086 00 Plant
086 000 Pet
In true 21.0 version of life science has evolved to the extent where micro/nano chips are allowing plants and pets to converse with their owners via modern technology. But I wonder if it’s such a bright idea to have random bits of flaura and fauna phoning you at inconvenient times. Like when you’re in a meeting, on a date or busy fulfilling your marital duties.
Hey boet! I need water and food, or can you please pick up the doggy doo because it’s interfering with my perfume, could become a passion killer or a lost sale of note.
I don’t know about you but I can’t help but think that there’s something nicely therapeutic about house plants. One simple donation of water and the odd dollop of fertilizer gets you a freshly oxygenated and sometimes perfumed home and some cheery leafiness next to the TV.
Despite your obvious shortcomings in the plant and pet parenting department you cannot afford to have Mopsy, Topsy or Ficus phoning you and just breathing hard on the other end before calling you names and making threats on you and your families lives.
But gone are the days of a guilty return to a shriveled wasteland of foliage after a long weekend away. Thanks to these ‘scientists’, your thirsty and suffering pot plants can now call on ‘Plantline’ or “Petline” for some light refreshment.
The technology behind the Plantline/Petline project is, according to interactive communications student Chuck van Dors, remarkably simple. A simple moisture sensor is placed in the soil surrounding the plant, where it measures the amount of water available for the roots. This information is then passed down a wireless network to a gateway. If the plant is in severe danger of drowning or dehydration, the gate opens to patch through a call to your mobile number you in turn activate your secret code to release a measured quota of water or dog pellets.
An added advantage to this system is the addition of soothing music and pre recorded messages of reassurance in both Faunage and Plantage dialects. According to the team this stops the phone calls becoming too ‘needy’. Ja! Right!
Could this be the next big taboo? As if the problem of unwanted relatives calling up in the middle of meetings to complain about how neglectful you are isn’t taxing enough. Now, any forgetfulness on behalf of your plants will be splashed around the media for all to hear. Can you imagine the scandal if you are unfriended by your plants and pets, or if tweets appear on twitter proclaiming your shortcomings as a parent.
Can you even envision the idea that there would be entire blogs and pages on all the social networks where bad parents could be posted on name and shame lists.
I think this technology should be stopped at this point and it should be legislated against. I for one cannot afford to have my good name sullied by a vindictive plant or jealous pet.
Enjoy your weekend
Hahaha OMW those goldfish would have had me on manslaughter!!! hahahaha
Boiled fish
I read somewhere that goldfish have a memory span of only three seconds. They’d dial you constantly and then forget why they called.
O my word!! This is hillarious!
LOL Like a drunken prank caller
If I can enter a code to squirt water/food at it, can’t I just set up a timer to do it automatically?
Plus, if the messsaging happens over the internet, someone will find how I’ve been massacring Ficuses when I run for office.
*shudder*
LOL All your secret murders of fauna and flora would be revealed
My dogs seem to communicate with me just fine without technology; I shudder at how much more under the thumb I might one day be.
Mine’s already got an identity chip, soon they’ll connect this to GPS. Maybe I should get one, then when I get old I won’t get lost
I agree, this must be stopped immediately!!
Have a lekker weekend
Loving all your posts, Roly – I also don’t want to get a call from a heavy-breathing delicious monster or a neurotic Yorkie shouting: “CAT in the yard!! CAT in the yard!!”
My dog is such a chicken I’d probably just get a piercing scream if there was a cat in the yard
At least you wouldn’t need to use caller ID – you’d so know it was your dog
This sounds insane. Luckily i do not have house plants, sjoe!
Funny! I’d better go find the treat box and earn some good favor…
Oh dear.. even when I am home, my houseplants get decimated!!
I grow lifeless leafless sticks most of the time
The way technology is going now I’m not surprised (well actually I am) by anything anymore…who’d thought there would be phones that you can not only see your pictures but take them and download them as well…as well as all the other gadgets that are on them…the new generation will I’m sure have loads of new things that will be possible…..Diane
Thinking back on what has been invented in my lifetime I often wonder if there is anything more to come