I’m thinking of getting some tastefully done tattoos. My boyfriend doesn’t think it’s a very good idea. What do you think?
My Body’s a Canvas
Dear My Body’s a Canvas:
What do I think? I think you are a moron. If you get tattoos what do you think is going to happen when you get to be my age and your skin starts to sag all over and your tattoos look like it rained on water colors! What I think you should do, is stop being so whiny and don’t write to me anymore unless you have a real question or if you have a hot aunt who smokes, drinks, enjoys sex and has a lot of money.
Now that it’s the rugby season, my husband will be watching rugby all the time. I was really hoping there would be no rugby this year. Any suggestions on how I get his attention during rugby season?
Dear Rugby Widow,
Any activity where I get to see men beat each other’s heads in is good in my book. Besides that, to get his attention get naked, the game has halftime and timeouts for injuries, what’s the problem? Get with the programme. No matter how hard you try SA men don’t last longer than three minutes before it’s all over. Halftime is ten minutes so you still have enough time to make him a sarmi and pour him a beer.
I have an aunt who is very crude and constantly swears around my kids. She makes off color jokes and they ask me what she means when she says these things. It’s embarrassing. She smokes and drinks and is an all around bad influence on my children. What can I do?
Dear Worried Mommy:
Job one would be introducing this gorgeous girl to me. I haven’t met a real woman like her in a long time. I can’t wait. Besides that I don’t see the problem, other than you getting over yourself. It sounds like you are a prude so your kids are never going to learn about the birds and bees from you, so they might as well learn the ropes from your hot aunt’s jokes.
Seriously, I want to meet the doll.