Cats and dogs are different you know

Cats and dogs are different you know

duh

I was sitting thinking. I know some of you rude people will say “Well, that is a first, for you” or some other equally disparaging remark but I am built of strong stuff and will be able to rise above it. There have been millions of comparisons made between cats and dogs but I had insight never seen before.

Many people strongly favor one or the other, although some people are bi- household animal lovers and have both dogs and cats, some even tri or multi because of the variety of the menagerie.  Very often we wonder what animals are thinking and we can only guess.

First of all, you should know that cats in the north of this country always talk in a very snotty aloof British accent or back alley slang.  Not that all British accents are snotty, of course, but the ones that cat’s use is, like that of an English butler.  The central cats have adopted several languages and tend to be very clicky. The exception to this is if your cat is from the south, then he talks in a typical Cape accent peppered with many swear words in an assortment of languages.  Most dogs don’t have a real accent except for the real small breed like Chihuahua, Pekinese, German shepherd etc., pick your breed (also pick your accent.)  Dogs are always enthusiastic, but the smaller ones are sometimes antagonistic.  For example, if you walk past a yard that has a Chihuahua in it and he is barking vigorously at your ankles, what he’s really saying is, “This is my land.  Get away or I’ll bite your leg off, I’ll kill you, I’ll pulverize you, I’ll have you for lunch, etc.”

That’s what he’s saying until you stamp your foot at him.  Then as he’s running away yelping, “Whoa, I was just kidding, can’t you take a friggin joke and just so you know I’m not scared of you, I just thought I heard my human call me.”  Then he forgets why he was running away and comes back to barking at your ankles to scare you off and the whole sequence starts over again. Dogs short term memories are pathetic in some breeds.

If you ask a dog to shake his paw here’s what he’s thinking as he gives you his paw, “Sure, what else you want?  Wanna play? I can fetch, let’s play Frisbee.

Ask a cat to shake his paw and you get.  A smug stare followed by the thought, in the snotty accent “I don’t do tricks.  But here’s one you can do.  You can kiss my brown eye”… or the southern variety will hiss or actually hithhh through the passion gap with a “get me some food and brush me and we’ll discuss this need to shake later on…if I can fit you in between naps.” And he walks away exposing his butt crack.

If you call a dog he’ll come enthusiastically, wagging his tail, even if he was in a sound sleep when you called him and he’ll be saying, “Wanna play? I can fetch.  Want your slippers?

If you call a cat to come to you when he was in a sound sleep, which is pretty much always how they are, he may open his eyes to look at you, but if he bothers it’s only to give you the message, “go away.” Or if he’s from down south “@#$$%^&*^$$ djou ma se hot pants.”

When you compliment a dog he’ll get excited and wag his tail and say “Wanna play? I can fetch.  Want your slippers?  Come let’s go for a walk.”

If you compliment a cat, it will give you that long uncaring stare and say, “Duh, I know I’m beautiful.  Don’t expect a compliment in return.  I’m liable to puke a hairball on your pillow.  Now, do something to serve me, you peasant.”

I think you get the idea in the difference between cats and dogs. Do you want a pet or do you want to BE the pet. It’s your choice.

Categories: Guest Posts, Humour, South Africa | Tags: , , | 7 Comments

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7 thoughts on “Cats and dogs are different you know

  1. In my house the cat rules!

  2. I’ve had both cats and dogs, and think the cats always made sure they got the best deal. :)

  3. I love my cat. She’s watching me right now so I must think and say the right thing. You see, she can also r.e.a.d. my mind… :-D

  4. I’m allergic to cats, as was my mother, so I have never had a cat as a pet. But I’ve had dogs all my life. I love dogs, I like the unconditional love they give you – they would lay down their lives to save you.

  5. The last sentence sums it up perfectly!

  6. Chubby Chatterbox

    I’ve heard the difference between dogs and cats explained this way: Dogs have owners; cats have staff. I think it’s true.

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